“For God, who said, “let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts…..
There is a rhythm here. The sound of people walking, the whoosh of the heat as it comes on, the quiet humming of the pumps as they send medications into my daughter’s vein. I hear laughter in the hall, her nurse is approaching. She hesitates outside Danielle’s door to gown and mask up so she can come into a room that is contaminated with the bacteria that lives in our daughters’ lungs. As she walks in, Danielle sits up and says, “Hiiiiiiii, what’s up?” The nurse smiles and answers. They chat a bit as her nurse examines her picc line and then her peripheral IV. Danielle draws her out some more and asks questions about her life. How is she? Does she have dogs? (which is Danielle’s favorite subject) if the nurse, physical therapist, respiratory therapist, doctor, dietician, housekeeper, or anyone else that comes into her room has a dog then they go into a deep discussion. They usually will pull out their cell phone to show her pictures, they will tell her if their dog is sick, she will offer suggestions. She pulls out her cell phone and shows them interesting photos of dogs she takes care of. The mood lightens and the person usually leaves the room with a smile on her/his face. I love to listen to her voice, her laughter, and see Gods light shining from her. People don’t want to leave her room, and it’s funny how they are shocked that they stayed longer than they intended. Danielle makes them feel better, even though they don’t realize it right away.
What they don’t see is how she is after they leave. The worry comes back into her eyes and she becomes quiet for a few moments. I wonder what she’s thinking, and I ask. Sometimes she will talk to me, other times turn away. It breaks my heart because I can’t go where she goes in her thoughts. I know she has worries and fears. I wish I could take this from her, the fear of the unknown. But I can’t, I just try to keep by her side as much as possible, make as many memories as I can with her, let her know I will stand next to her and help her fight every aspect of her disease that tries to rob her of her life. We call out to God to fight the dark thoughts and fear. I ask Him to heal her, to allow her to fill her lungs and breathe! God is here with us, right by her side, holding her in His arms and shining his light on and through her. She is filled with his joy and his light. People feel it and bask in it. He heals souls through her. She is a miracle and a light in a place that is filled with pain and fear. My heart ponders this as I fall into the rhythm of the hospital and the other side of our life, the side that tests our faith, our relationships, our finances, and our sanity. But inside of it all we know God has our back; He finds ways to show our little girl, our family, our friends, and everyone that comes into her room His wonderous light.