Just Breathe

Why horses? Why do you ride? Why do you always feel like you have to take lessons? Why do you keep learning? What’s the deal?

I get these questions all the time. What is it about a horse? I can tell you what it is for me.

It’s the satisfaction of knowing that I can communicate to another being. The connection the horse gives me as he follows my thoughts. No person can do that. He knows my intention, my emotions, and my love. He knows it so far deep inside of himself that he never questions it. I don’t have to reassure him of my love or devotion, I don’t have to make sure his feeling aren’t hurt. The time spent with him is just what it is, it’s connection without explanation, leading through feel and not having to speak. Every time I am with my horse I learn, he is always teaching me how to be quieter in my communication. In todays world it seems like words are floating all around us. We have to explain EVERYTHING, we’re always worried of hurting someone, or heaven help us, we might offend someone. With my horse I can just be and not rationalize or explain where I’m coming from. If I want to teach him something, I do, if reprimand him for something, I do and he doesn’t walk away mad, we just learn from it and move on.

Yesterday I went on a trail ride with a dear friend who I haven’t seen in so many years that I’m shocked. We met at the trailhead and all the years fell away. We instantly fell into each other’s arms and hugged, had a quick visit, then mounted up. Both of us have Morgans now and we enjoyed talking about the breed, her breeding program, and the stallion she was riding. We literally had a blast on those trails. The years fell away. I lost all my fears and apprehension that have accumulated in me over the years, I was a child again, riding a horse that I loved, that trusted me, and that I could count on. I was with my friend who I have shared many years of riding with. We did all the things I’ve been so careful not to do anymore, like racing up hills, and cantering on and on and on. It was four hours that were lovely, delightful, and astonishing. As I write this post I have tears of joy in my eyes, my stomach has tickles in it, just like it did when I was a kid getting ready to go to the farm. Yesterday I got to fly again, and yes, that’s my answer! Why Horses? Because I get to fly. It’s the most amazing thing.

Companionship, mutual respect, love, trust. I see all of those things as I look up into his eyes. The way he stays there, the soft little nickers as I walk to him. The way he stretches his neck when I find the places that need scratching. The question on his face when I ask him to try something new. The way he is willing to try new things with me without getting frightened. My heart expands as I look at him, I lean forward until our foreheads touch. I feel his breath, I sense his heartbeat, and for a moment we are as one. One heart, one breath, and one mind. Then the wind blows, a horse in the pasture nickers, the chain on the gate rattles, and our spell is broken. The activity in the barn brings us out of our trance. Our bubble pops and I step away, give him one more scratch and I take him back out to his herd. He walks away to begin his day, and I leave him there to begin mine. Oh, what a beautiful way to start the day!

I walked into the indoor arena, the little bay Morgan gelding is patiently waiting as his owner, Joan tacks him up and gets him ready for me to ride. I get my saddle, Joanie and I gently settle it on his back and we finish getting him ready together. This little horse’s name is Chance, and he came our way through a summer camp for kids. He was donated and its pretty shocking that such a nicely put together horse was donated to a riding camp. He was eventually sold to us because he had a bit of a bucking problem and at times would buck with the campers. It didn’t sound like it was a huge problem, but enough of a problem that he “failed” as a camp horse.

We felt lucky to get him, he came here and actually fit right into our lesson program for my advanced riders. There were times he would get a little nervous, or a worried look in his eyes, but my girls were advanced enough to help him through those times. He never did buck with lessons, or out trail riding. When I eliminated the lesson program, Chance needed a new owner and I wanted to go back to basics with him, because the worried look was more noticeable, or else I was more sensitive to his needs. I was slowing down and becoming more in tune to my horses without the stress of constantly giving lessons with them. I was finding out they had a lot to teach me, especially Chance.

Joanie offered to help me with his retraining process. We started working with him, letting him set the pace and we discovered he had a hard time just being a horse with us. The two of us started him from the ground, moved to saddling and ground driving. During his re-training, Joanie lost her beloved horse, Kona. I think Chance played an important role in helping her heart heal, and in the process she fell for him and offered to be his next owner.

Time passed, Joanie and Chance were doing well together until about a year ago. During a lesson, Chance bucked and Joanie came off. It wasn’t pretty, she ended up in the ER with stiches and Chance had a sore back.

Fast forward to this summer. We’ve started him over again and now it was time to put him under saddle. We still see the worried look in his eye, but he’s starting to trust us. Our theory is that he may have been pushed in his training in a way that didn’t make sense to him when he was started under saddle originally. We think he shut down in his past life because he didn’t understand his training, Our theory is that he couldn’t take it anymore, then he started bucking. When he bucked he got moved on to the next owner. We of course aren’t sure this is true, its just a feeling we have about him.

Riding him had been going okay and I was pretty excited that we were making headway. Joanie bridled him for me and handed me his reins. I felt up to him through the reins and he felt solidly blocked, so I walked him around, until I heard him sigh, then walked over to the mounting block and swung my leg over. As I settled on his back I felt a zing, my heart rate accelerated as I gathered up his reins and felt nothing, absolutely nothing from him. He was a block of wood beneath me. I couldn’t ask for a release through the reins, and I didn’t even feel his ribcage expand with his breath. I asked him to open up a little bit and he said, “No!”.

His energy was so blocked that I thought to myself that I should walk him forward a bit to get things moving inside of him. I asked him to walk forward and he did, but there was no head movement, his ribs didn’t swing from side to side, and his gait was very choppy. I picked up the left rein and asked him to turn to the left. When I made contact with his mouth he locked his jaw against me and pulled to the right, hard! I softened my arm, but kept the contact with his mouth. I then shortened the left rein until his head and neck bent to the left. He pulled against me so hard that my arm started to ache and my stomach muscles burned, all I felt was a pull against me with all his might and his jaw locked down tight, no softening, no release, and no try, absolutely nothing. We walked several circles like this, I asked him, ” Chance soften, come to me, let me in, I’m right here”. I sent light down my arm, it bounced right back to me and he said, “NO, I can’t! “

I replied with, “trust me”,

He said, “no”,

I said, “trust me, let me in”,

He said, “no. I can’t.”

I said, “I’m going to move you out faster, maybe that will help.”

He said, “try, but I can’t let go.”

I said”, ok, here we go”.

I helped him up into the trot, the brace got bigger, he pulled harder. I tried to soften my body, his rhythm was wrong. It made no sense, all his effort was concentrated on pulling against me, he lost himself in the pull. It made him jumpy, everything was scaring him, the shadows on the ground, the hay bales, the mounting block. Everything was scaring him, because he was leaning so hard on my arm

I said, “please, Chance trust me and let go”.

He said, “I can’t”.

I said, “please I am here , I won’t leave you, I won’t let you go.”

He said, “I can’t, It’s bad, I can’t. ”

I said, “lets move up, you have to breathe follow me, breathe with me.”

He said, “I’m scared.”

I said, “I’m with you, trust me.”

He said, “I’m scared.”

I said, “I”m here. I won’t leave you.”

He said, “it’s going to get bad.”

I said, “I will try to go with you. I’m here, I won’t leave you. Try to canter, it will help you breathe.”

He then let go, he cantered. He became more fearful, He jumped away from shadows, he tried to shy away from the bales, the mounting block, the door opening. He was scared. I was calm. A calmness settled over me, I felt his fear, but I knew I could handle it. I’m not sure how I knew, but I knew to my core that we would go through it together and I wouldn’t come off.

I felt him hit the top of his fear, energy was bouncing around in him, then he kicked up a clod of dirt, I saw it fly by us like slow motion, I thought to myself, “here we go”! Lainey walked in, he jumped away from her, the clod of dirt hit the mounting block with a loud bang, I leaned forward to gather more rein, I knew he was going to blow, but he needed to. I felt a calmness over take me, he started to buck, I let him, then he continued to buck, I asked him to stop, he couldn’t, I asked him to move forward, then with all the strength I had left I lifted his head up and turned him to the left until his head was on my knee.

I said, “don’t buck, lets run!” I kicked him forward into a canter, he cantered and cantered and cantered. I felt the tension leave his body as we shot around the arena, I felt his fear drain away. He started to relax, I asked him to trot, he followed my lead. I asked him if he was ok, he softened in response. I picked up the rein, and said hello, he said hello back to me through the reins, I felt him chew the bit, his jaw softened.

I said, “can you follow me now?”

He said, “I’ll try.”

I picked up the left rein he followed it. I picked up the right rein, he followed it. I asked him to walk he dropped down from the trot. I asked him to canter again, he popped right into it. I settled my body into the trot rhythm. He followed. It was beautiful, I felt tears in my eyes, and goosebumps break out on my body, he was relaxed and just trotting with me!

I turned to the left, he followed, I turned to the right, he followed. All by feel. The reins were open, we had communication. I felt his ribs swing in rhythm of his walk . He quit jumping at shadows. I asked him to trust me and he said ok.

I asked, “can you give me your feet?”

He said, “yes”.

I said, “wow!”

He said, “I know. We were there together,”

I said, “yes, we did it.”

“I wasn’t scared,” he said.

“I know,” I said, “thank you.”

He then showed me he was happy.

I said, “thank you for showing me”.

He then opened up some more. I eventually got off and handed his reins to Joanie. Joanie and I talked quietly about what happened, what she saw and felt, and what I saw and felt.

The bottom line is that I can’t explain what happened, or how I stayed on. I’ve never ridden a bucking horse for that long and stayed with him. I’ve never gone to that dark, scary place, I’ve been too afraid I wouldn’t survive and come out the other side.

I don’t think I want to ever go there again, but I’m glad I did and I’m glad Chance was willing to show me what he needed. Sometimes we do have to go to the dark place to help them find release.

As the day progressed, I pondered what happened. I thought for sure I would be sore, tired, and scared. But the weird thing is that I felt stronger, energized and more sure of myself as both a horsewoman and frankly more confidant as a person.

Did Chance have the dark place inside of him, or did I, or did both of us? I will never really know the answer to that. But I can tell you I have ridden him a few times since that day, so has Joanie, and there is a change in him, he is open and soft. There also is a change in me, I’m open, softer, and taking more time with enjoying the world around me.

Yes, we went to the dark place together, but it helped us find a path to better understanding and a better ability to feel secure in what we know about each other. I have a feeling Chance helped me as much, or maybe even more than I helped him.

I woke up this morning with a lightness in my heart that I haven’t felt for a very long time. I was scheduled to spend my morning working with two horses, then working with a rider and her brand new horse. “What a great way to start the weekend”, I thought to myself as I stumbled into the kitchen to let the dogs out, feed them and make my first cup of coffee.

I finish my morning routine, make up my water bottle and head to the back door. Lainey watches every move I make and as I open the sliding door, she stops next to me, looks up and asks if she can join me. My heart swells with happiness as I step aside and let her go out the door with me. She dances around my feet as we cross the deck and head to the barn. When she gets excited like this she actually bounces around me like a little rabbit, the look on her face is pure bliss, and her little pink tongue peeks out of her mouth as she smiles up at me.

I head into the barn, make up Chance and Buzz’s morning feed and head out to the pasture to get them, with Lainey right next to me every step of the way. It feels like the old days when she had the endurance to help me in everything I do out here, from feeding, to fixing fences, to training.

I let Buzz out after he finishes eating, and bring Chance into the barn. He’s the first horse on my schedule and I quickly groom him, get him tacked up, then swing my leg over to begin our under saddle work. I notice Lainey dancing right next to us, then take her spot on our right side. I take a deep breath, let myself feel down to Chance, and we begin. Connecting through the reins and my seat we start with helping him relax his mouth, loosen his jaw and follow the feel I send down the reins. He gets a little guarded when I connect and will often push down against my hands, but I stay with him, close my hands more when he increases the pressure, and relax as he relaxes his pressure. Every time I look down, Lainey is right there with us, staying with us step by step. I smile down at her, she looks up and me and smiles right back. She knows this routine, and she’s here to help. She anticipates the horse and my needs and gives us the right kind of energy to get the job done. She’s a calming influence when we need calm support, and she gets downright bossy when the horse or I act up. She’s my partner in more ways than one, and on days like this when she feels this good, I feel like it’s a special blessing. I know she’s in the later years of her life and while I am sad when I think about it, I’m extremely thankful for days like today. It doesn’t take Chance and myself too long to get on the same page and start communicating well with each other. He is beginning to trust the bit, and the hands on the other end of the reins, and I’m learning how to communicate better to him without having an internal brace myself. Chance and I navigate a stop together that feels connected and relaxed and I dismount, tie him up, untack him and turn him out.

I go to the other side of the arena to where Karen is standing with Jethro, we get him tacked up. Lainey joins us in our warm up and we walk over to the mounting block where I swing my leg over Jethro’s back, we then stand there together until I feel Jethro’s heartbeat slow down and he takes a nice deep breath. I gently inhale and slowly exhale into the walk and we move off together. Jethro is feeling a little discombobulated today. He usually feels like riding a bubble that is floating above the ground, but today it feels like the bubble has holes in it and his energy is bouncing out through the holes in a haphazard way. I look down and to my right and Lainey is right there next to us, again she is silently matching us step for step and giving us quiet, steady energy. I settle deeper into the saddle with Jethro, concentrate on staying balanced and grounded as we move around the arena.

The indoor arena is feeling cramped to him, he feels unsettled and unsure of his balance. I guide him out of the indoor and to the outdoor to see if that helps. He wants to take off and it’s hard at first to keep him at a walk. I ease him up to the trot, but that makes him scramble a little bit, so we ease down to the walk, but that also feels unbalanced. His owner, Karen, comes out and Lainey goes to her and leaves Jethro and me to figure it out. I let my mind sink deeper into him, I discover he is just having trouble with his shivers, and needs help. So we move a little bit more, and I try to stay out of his way, giving him his head more than I usually do because I want him to try to find his own balance, then I pick up the reins a little, connect and show him a more balanced frame. He likes that and moves in it a little bit, but then he falls apart again and wants to break out into a faster gait. I let him move up to the canter, but that isn’t right for him, so he tries a little buck. I ask him to come back to the walk, we balance ourselves again and I ask him to turn just on his haunches, he does that well, and I can feel the ease in which he does it. We move around the arena again on a looser rein and he holds his balance. I am able to neck rein him as we do gentle figure eights. His legs move in a better cadence and it feels easier to him. We then stop again and I ask for a turn on forehand, it’s hard for him, but he tries! Yay, he gives me a big try so we move off again on the loose reins and he stretches again and yawns a little. It feels like his balanced movement is coming back and the way his body is moving makes sense. I pick up the reins again and ask for another turn on the forehand. He is able to do it easier, we stand there for a moment, then I pick up the reins again, connect and ask him to soften. He follows the sense of softness right back to my hands and I quickly dismount as I’m telling him what a good boy he is.

We stand there a moment in our quietness. Then I pick up the reins again and ask for another yield of his hind end from the ground this time. He floats over to the side effortless and we both feel that it is good. I look up, Lainey is approaching with a smile on her face. We head into the barn with a bubble of connection around us, and I think to myself that I will treasure this morning in my heart for as long as I live.

As we enter the barn I see Kate standing next to her new horse, Sampson. There is joy and anticipation shining from her face as she stands next to him. The smile from my face reaches my heart as I ponder what an honor it is for me to be able to be there at the beginning of their journey together. Life doesn’t get much better than this. A morning spent with good friends, good horses, and a mighty fine little dog. Happy Friday Everyone!

I’ve been reading a fictional book about horses. Are you surprised? It’s a book set in the future and it’s about bringing the world back into balance, and the horses are who help the humans get into balance. A common thread that is woven into the book is being aware. Aware of yourself, the people in your lives, and the nature that surrounds you. Being aware of what is around you, and staying grounded is what the main character in the book is working on. So I experimented with it today. Here is my story:

My friend, Kim, asked me if I would like to take a quick trail ride this morning. She offered to hook up her horse and trailer and be the driver. Of course I jumped on that suggestion immediately! Any time I don’t have to be trail boss is heaven for me!

We quickly loaded our horses after chores and headed out to Crow Hassen. This is our first trail ride of the season, so we both were a little excited and I felt Sassy’s heartbeat speed up quite a bit as I swung my leg over her back and asked her to head down the trail. She was nervous and swinging her head from side to side to take in all the sights. I helped her feel back to me and follow my suggestions to stay on the trail, keep her head straight, and allow me to take care of her by keeping myself centered, balanced, and connected through my legs, seat, and reins.

As Sassy started to come back to me and relax in the fact that I would take care of the situation, I started playing with pushing my awareness out, softening my eyes so I could take information in from my peripheral vision, and let my subconscious sift through everything. Breathing became easier, and I found myself being aware of a gentle breeze on my face, a butterfly on my right side at the same time a bird flew up in front of us on the trail. Sassy started to relax and she settled into a nice steady walk. I even started to sense her feeling back to me with observations, instead of questions.

When we passed a walker on the trail, I held him in my mind a little longer and let that thought travel down to Sassy but kept my main focus on where we were going. We passed a work truck with two men and a park ranger, I sifted that down to her and we kept going. As we turned the corner and put them behind us, Sassy wanted to turn her head again, but I pulled up their picture of how they felt to us as we passed them and held it again in my mind, and Sassy responded with a sigh, softened her jaw, and connected back to me through the reins. At that moment Kim mentioned that she felt calmer with me today on the trails. I smiled and told her of my experiment. We didn’t have much to say about it, probably because she is used to me and my little experiment’s. It is eye opening at how easily we can affect those around us with our thoughts, intention, and awareness. I started out on the trail ride with a goal to support and calm myself and Sassy, but ended up affecting Kim as well. Thanks Kim for an amazing trail ride and for putting up with me and my experiments!

For those that are interested in the book I’m reading, it’s the sequel in “The Horses Know Series” by Lynn Mann. The name of the book is “Horses Forever”.

It has been very hot here in Minnesota this week, I mean very hot, the temps are close to 100 degrees and at the end of the day I’m pretty tired and sweaty. Today I think it all caught up with me and after morning chores and lunch, I crashed and slept for almost two hours. As I came to my senses the word, delight, was sitting right there in my brain and I couldn’t let it go. Then I started to think about the word, delight. What does it really mean? How come when I think about it I smile, both inside my body and on the outside? When I hold that word in my mind I feel my eyes crinkle up and my mouth starts to lift in a smile. It’s hard to be tense when I hold onto the word delight. So here I am, at my computer and writing in my blog because I need to share this word with you all.

I looked up the meaning of delight, just went right to my phone and typed it. Delight-verb please (someone) greatly “an experience guaranteed to delight both young and old”. Noun- great pleasure. “the little girls squealed with delight”.

Delight is a great word, I don’t think we use it enough. Did you know that God delights in us? Yep! It’s right there in the Bible. Every time I come across it in reference to God and me, I get awestruck that God would say that he delights in us. I mean really? He takes great pleasure in me? Wow I can’t remember anyone, anytime in my life saying that they delight in me.

Psalm 149:9 says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.” and then one of my favorites; Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Really? He will rejoice over me with singing? Awesome!

There are some delightful synonyms for delight, such as contentment, hilarity, jollity, rapture, joy, glee, pleasure, and satisfaction. I think we need more delight in this world. We see it all the time, but often we pass it by because we are in a hurry or we are feeling the opposite of delight such as dismay, disgust, pain, or displeasure. In todays world we have way too much un-delight, so maybe what we may need to do is look for the delightful things and hold them in our hearts. Such as; a baby smiling with his whole body, a horse nickering to you right before she takes off at a trot to meet you at the gate, your dog wagging his whole body just because you walked in the door, and a smile from a stranger.

What if we started telling people that they delight us? What would happen? Wouldn’t it feel really good if someone told you that you delighted them? That they delighted in your happiness, or thought the cake you baked them tasted delightful?

My challenge to the world is to try to use the word delight at least once a day, lets see if we can spread happiness, joy, and light into the world. I think that would be a nice experiment, and it can’t hurt anything… right?

I felt a little nudge on left hand, then a little whine, and I knew it was time to get up. Gunner wakes me gently every morning literally like clockwork. I am not allowed to sleep past 6:45. I don’t know why its that time each day, but no matter how many times I tell him I don’t need to get up until 7:00, he keeps waking me up early. I tried to ignore him this morning, but Bella, his faithful backup, touches my hand gently, then gives it a good lick. I slam my hand under the pillow and hide it, but it’s no use. I’m up and they know it!

I reach for my glasses and stumble out of bed, use the bathroom, and then lurch into the kitchen and let the dogs out. I make my way back to the coffee maker to make my morning brew, and I stop. Just outside my window the birds are singing their hearts out, the breeze caresses my face and I smile. I breathe it all in, the sounds, the scents, and the breeze. It fills my lungs with purity, the world looks untouched by the chaos in our human world.

I sit down to journal and have my quiet time with God. I pick up my pen and the words start coming, they don’t stop until I have almost two pages and I write:

What Would Jesus Do???????

Would he weep over the injustice? Would he wipe away our tears?

Would he stand on the mountain top with tears running down his face at the lack of compassion we have for each other?

Would he take us by the hand and heal our hearts? Would he show us how to feel mercy? To feel compassion and to allow forgiveness into our hearts?

Would he show us love-even the worst of us? Would he listen to us with love in his heart?

Would he cry over our sins? Would he smile when he sees us try? Would he delight in us when we smile and when we love? Will the angels sing when we show love and compassion?

Will he lead us into the light and out of the darkness?

Will he heal our world if we let him in? If we let his light shine through us? Will he take the scales from our eyes so we can see each other fully? Will he wipe our tears when we sorrow?

Will he send The Holy Spirit to guide us?

Did he die so we might live? Did he love us more than we can love ourselves? Does he know the number of hairs on our heads? Did he knit us together in our mother’s womb?

Yes! Yes, Jesus has done all of these and will do more if we let him. He stands at the door of our hearts and knocks, waiting for us to let him in and heal our mind, body, and souls.

We never can do what Jesus does, but we can try. We CAN heal the world, it’s not just what Jesus would do, it’s what we all can do TOGETHER!

And that was it, the urge to write quieted, I settled into my coffee, inhaled its wonderful scent, picked up my knitting and let Gods light fill me with hope for our world. We can make a difference, one day at a time, one person at a time, and one moment at a time.

I feel him looking at me as I walk to another horse to deliver his breakfast. I turn to him and meet his eyes. There is a gleam there it’s welcoming, and full of light. I’m drawn to him. I walk over to his stall, hesitate, and then slowly lower my hand to the spot between his eyes. I stand there a moment and lower my head to his. “Hey little man,” I whisper, “today we can ride.” I step away so I can open his stall door and take him out to his pasture after his morning meal.

A few hours later, chores are finished, I’ve spent time giving a lesson and riding Sassy and now it’s time to go get Buzz. I feel an excited flutter in my stomach as I head to the barn to get a halter for him. I head up to his pasture and let my mind settle on him. I let my intention and energy go out ahead of me as I walk out towards him. I see him from a distance, he’s at the bale with his herd. My stomach flutters again, my pace increases and I find myself excited for this moment.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to ride him and I feel like a little girl again. I hop over the little creek and come up the incline towards his bale, he lifts his head and I see the look in his eye. The open warmth, the twinkle and in an instant I’m pulled back in time. I see Dunny, the first horse I ever gave my heart to in front of me, the anticipation and love I feel in that moment is pure, young, and hopeful. I’m 9 years old again and he’s right there, I can almost touch him. Then I blink and the illusion of Dunny is gone, but in front of me stands Buzz. The twinkle in his eye is still there, and he feels as adventurous as I do.

My heart sings as I gently halter him. We walk up to the barn, I feel his energy through the lead rope, his footsteps match mine and we are one as we walk back to the barn. My stomach is still fluttering as I saddle him up and as I offer the bridle he leans forward and takes the bit from my hand.

I look at his eyes, they search mine and our souls touch. We stand together for awhile. Eventually I lead him to the mounting block and swing up, my mind reaches towards him, I feel his energy come up through the reins and it’s right there waiting for me. Everything else falls away as our energy blends together and we move off as one.

She’s just a dog they say. But they don’t understand. She’s been by my side the past 13 years.

She has walked next to me in all sorts of weather as I fed horses, she has trotted next to my skidsteer as I have taken bales out of hay out. She has disciplined horses that she thinks are out of line and watches the situation closely every time I work with a horse. She checks in with me constantly, she’s by my side as I sleep at night. In the morning she’s happy to see me. She only eats if I sit next to her at dinner time, she looks at me when she’s in a different part of the room. She’s my sidekick, my friend, my constant companion.

We take walks together, she’s gone to the hospital to visit Danielle, she has ridden in airplanes with me and traveled to both Georgia and Oklahoma as my navigator. She rides shotgun in my truck, and she rides on my horse with me.

She’s so much more than just a dog. My heart aches as she’s getting older. I see the slower steps, the lack of response to sound, and how she uses her nose to find me more than she uses her eyes. But she still goes to the barn with me, she walks next to me, and gives me comfort. She is unselfish in her love. She shows me that love is patient and love is kind.

God must have really thought I was special to put her in my life. She’s much more than a dog, she’s a gift, a gift of love straight from Gods heart to mine. I hope God has a long life planned for her because, well, I just don’t know what I would do without her. She’s not just a dog, she’s my friend.

I looked down at Lainey and said, “do you want to go for a walk?” Of course I didn’t get a reply since she’s going deaf, but I still speak to her, its a habit that is ingrained in me.

I clapped my hands which did get her attention and sat down on the couch which is her signal to jump up next to me. I clipped her leash to her collar and she pranced beside me as we walked to the truck. I bent over, scooped her up, put her on the seat next me and we headed down the road. It wasn’t very long before we arrived at Elm Creek, and walked down the trail.

I noticed Lainey was scooting a bit, and seemed a little out of sorts. When someone or something approached us she wanted to stop, smell the air, and try to see what she could see. Her sight also is going which has made her skittish. My heart sank when I noticed it. She has changed from a dog with a strong presence to a timid little dog. I felt tears well up in my eyes, and my heart broke just a little bit as I watched her struggle.

We continued on our way, with her hesitating and feeling unsure and me determined to help. Winter was losing its hold on the woods and I noticed that the Maple trees were tapped. There were buds starting to show up on the trees and birds were singing. I started losing myself in the sensations of nature, the wind gently blowing, the sun touching my face with warmth, and my little dog next to me.

We found a little walking trail off the paved trail and took it. I looked down at Lainey and noticed she was relaxing. She was panting a little and sniffing the air with curiosity. I felt her energy change and she stepped out with more confidence, there were times she even led me a little. I found my heart relaxing and started to enjoy our walk. Our energy joined together through the leash and we walked forward as one. The feeling of connection is one I know well with her, it’s like slipping on your favorite jeans, you know the ones that fit just right, have your butt imprints in them and the ones you will never throw away. We know each other, and she doesn’t have to hear or see me to know I will always be there for her. We can step out into the world together and count on each other. She is that special dog for me that could never be replaced, the one that knows me better than I know myself and accepts me for who I am. We continue to take weekly walks together and I am so happy to say that each time we go out I see more of the confident dog with the big personality coming out.

I’ve decided to walk more often, and Boomer joined me this week for a walk. Boomer has a different personality than Lainey. He is absolutely certain that the whole world loves every single thing about him. He has no doubt the world is made just for him and no matter what it loves him and he deserves that love. When I asked him if he wanted to go for a ride he was beside himself, his tail was wagging at 100 miles an hour and his smile was huge! He started jumping around so much I could barely put the leash on, and when we were finally connected he started to cry with joy.

I opened up the truck door and he slowly lifted his body up into the back seat, but once in, he could hardly wait for me to shut the door and get going! We headed off to a different part of Elm Creek Park.

Boomer started out with lots of energy, and I had to remind him a little bit of how to walk next to a human. He responded quickly and stayed checked in with me. Every single time we passed anyone his tail would wag, he would smile and say, “hi”. Some people responded with a hello back, some not so much. He even got a couple compliments on how pretty he was.

We were really enjoying the walk, I had never been to this part of the park and it was fun to explore a new area. Spring had progressed a lot in the past few weeks, the birds are migrating back to Minnesota, and the frogs have started to sing. Boomer was taking it all in with me, and staying connected through the leash. He didn’t pull, he stayed right next to me and enjoyed the adventure. We still crossed paths with people, and we both continued to say hi, but our focus was on each other and the earth around us.

We saw a beautiful lake that seemed to appear out of nowhere, and there were a couple spots I think I recognized as the old horse trail. Boomer continued to wag his tail and when I took him off the paved path he enjoyed sniffing around and leading me for awhile. His energy is very calm, confident, and happy and it’s a pleasure to tap into that when we are together. At home he gets obsessed over his ball and toys, out here its just the two of us and I think that both of our hearts were able settle down and allow for relaxation.

Today I asked Gunner if he would like to go and held up the leash, he sat up immediately and could barely hold still enough for me to clip it to his collar. He quickly pulled me towards the door, and almost off my feet before I could gather myself enough to get control again. I had forgotten what a puppy he still is!

We quickly got to the truck and he nimbly jumped into the back seat and we headed to a part of Elm Creek I know well. We were going to explore the horse trail and walk to the bridge. I opened the truck door, Gunner jumped out and before I knew it I was being pulled to a dead animal. My first thought was, “how did he know that was there”, and my second thought was, “I better get control here, or this won’t be a fun walk!”

Gunners energy jumps all over that place. His mind doesn’t settle on anything. He thinks the world is here to explore and anything that moves must be chased. I finally got him under control and asked him to sit. He did that very well, and then my next thought was that I should be using treats with him to help his brain stay on me a little more.

We hit the trail and immediately he starts to pull, his nose twitching like crazy, his tongue hanging out, ears swiveling everywhere and his path is as erratic as a drunk sailor! I tighten my grip on the leash so it’s not sliding through my hands and he hits the end of it which stops him in his tracks, then the leash relaxes, he walks fast again, hits the end and so on and so on and so on. All I can think is “can he even feel the release when he gets it?” I shorten up the leash more so he hits the end of it as soon as he steps ahead of me. The leash pulses with him hitting the end, then the release. Every time there is a release I say good boy. People pass us on bikes and he tries to lunge, but I have the leash short, so instead of lunging he just pulls my arm enough that I’m afraid it’s going to pop out of socket! But we continue.

I’m trying to absorb the nature around me and notice the beauty as the tugging and releasing continues for quite awhile, but before too long I start to notice there are times he is walking next to me, and I feel his energy through the leash. I say good boy, and wham, he hits the end again. But we are getting some release, and he’s learning through the release!

Our walk continues and we finally reached the bridge and proceed to explore it, and a bridge a little further upstream. Gunner quit with the pulling and settled down next to me. We could finally feel each other through the leash, he moved with me instead of against me and I could feel his energy. I like his energy. It’s very open and he tries to soak in everything around him. He does get a little distracted, but with a gentle whisper of a tug on the leash he checks in with me. Walking with him on the trails is an adventure into the wilderness. He senses the movement in the bushes as the birds take flight and calls it to my attention, he watches the leaf as it blows across the path, he hears movement in the bushes and I see his ears and head swivel towards it. It’s amazing that if you allow yourself to connect to him, all the stories he will help you see.

My three dogs, they have a story to tell, and ways to help me see the world.

Lainey showed me trust and comfortable companionship.

Boomer showed me that we all deserve love.

Gunner showed me that life is an adventure.

It’s very easy in todays world to get caught up in all the negativity. I hope you all get a chance to take a walk with a dog and open up your heart to see the world as they see it. You just might find something pretty special in a dogs tale.